This just in…
According to the 24-hour Death of Michael Jackson Channel (which is all I watch anymore) the list of suspects, originally numbering in the billions, has now narrowed to several million. Of those, investigators now consider these ten to be most likely:
10. Joe (anything to get on TV) Jackson
9. Al (anything to get on TV) Sharpton
8. Al (it improved the environment) Gore
7. Diana Ross (for impersonating a diva)
6. Simon Cowell (for impersonating a singer)
5. Elvis (for impersonating a king)
4. Prince (long live the new king)
3. Cock Robin (wait, isn’t he dead?)
2. O.J. (I’ll find the real killer) Simpson
1. Pontius Pilate
Got favorite suspects of your own? Trot ‘em on out. The world is dying to hear.
John Heard, R. I. P.
10 hours ago