Friday, July 10, 2009


Greetings Earthlings,
I'm a friend of Yola's from Alpha Centauri. Yola allowed me to post on her blog to ask her earth-dwelling followers to comment on a few issues of concern to an extra-terrestial such as myself.

I find I have an odd fascination for that strange box you all have in your habitats- the TV. My half human offspring recommended Tivo years ago so I don't usually watch the short little blips between the longer programs, the Commercials. But from the ones I have seen, I'm puzzled how consumers buy products based on sex appeal. Is the grain-based food in the colorful boxes you eat for breakfast sexy?

I have learned many things of practical use from the TV about Earthlings. I have learned to wear a neck brace at all times for fear of the creatures among you who suck your blood. How this can be pleasurable, I can't understand. Does it have something to do with grain being sexy? And why do you allow so many of them to exist, even have equal rights, when they are so easy to kill?

I am also horrified by your medical system. Not only are the methods probing and barbaric, but you diagnose bodies like you do machinery. Plus your practitioneers imbibe mind altering chemicals. If I ever get sick I will not visit an hospital, please just let me die.

You also have a bizarre obsession with your system of law. So many programs about police and lawyers. In my world we prefer to keep the ugliness hidden and mostly forgotten. I will never do anything to get arrested, the results are too painful to imagine. That's why I mostly sit in my home and watch the TV. The news portions of your programming handle all this better, with a few referrences to crime, but the main focus on the lives of your wonderful celebrities.

Last, but certainly not least, is your fixation on my kind. You have it all wrong! We do not have big dark eyes and pointed chins. That more aptly describes your own elves and pixes. We also do not run about naked. I cannot tell you how offended we are by seeing representations of ourselves with no sexual features. Most of us are very sexy creatures, that is how our civilizations have lasted so long. We are aroused by each other, not cereal. And the probing! We would never. Leave that to your own medical personnel. Oh, I cannot forget the angels. I watch many of the Sunday morning programs to learn about your mythology as well as the angel shows. I find myself extremely confused. Do you think those odd beings with giant wings are us? I assure you they are not. And I have traveled much of the universe or "heavens" and I have never seen anything remotely like them.

This is probably enough for your poor tiny brains to handle, so I will sign off. But, if Yola allows, I may be back. Yola is an Earthling of superior understanding.


  1. I perceive, Ms or Mr Xelzyna, that you are a very strange person. Are you perhaps related to Mr Cyberdrew?

  2. Don't be comparing me to this wack-job, Miss Vicky. Just because my brain and body have been co-opted by cybernetic beings from another dimension doesn't mean I'm gullible enough to believe in aliens.
    BTW, I was a big fan of that Lucrezia Borgia series you did as Jean Plaidy. Any posthumous works in the works?

  3. Cereals have always been sexy, Xel honey. Of course, the male-dominated food industry has always directed that sex appeal at men. Look at Cheerios, for god's sake... a whole bowlful of little holes for men to fantasize about. Only recently have they tried to reach out to women, with their new Banana Nut Cheerios. The name provokes the right imagery - the bananas, the nuts, the holes - but once you pour them into a bowl you're left with the same old thing: holes.